An honouring of NO and it’s value
The web being noticed ….
If we are unable to RECEIVE someone else’s NO, how can we GIVE our own NO?
This, for me, highlights the relationship between GIVING and RECEIVING.
We must understand, accept and appreciate one – to have value with the other.
(Like we must have hot to understand cold.)
And this has been a great challenge for me!
I was raised with what seemed like lots of NO.
And what was the ripple effect for me?
In today’s language, I was a PEOPLE PLEASER.
I had no healthy boundaries.
I was a YES person because there was no way I was dishing out any NOs.
I became a parent who did the opposite … giving lots of YES.
I was a wife that became pushy and insistent that I had YES to things that were a NO to my then husband.
The strategies (manipulation tools) I would use to “get” a yes, included ….
Pleading or pestering (nagging)
Over-talking with my point of view / lots of questions
Crying
Punishment or threats
Go to another person whom would give me a YES
Tried the guilt thing too .. ouch writing that right now
Withdrawal of love
Silence
Many tools I learnt in order to avoid receiving that dreaded NO.
I was living in a dysfunctional relationship with him, with myself, and with YES and NO.
Which meant I GAVE lots and was controlling in how and what I RECEIVED.
I thought I had to do everything myself – this avoided that NO thing.
What is the ripple effect in raising kids in this YES environment … and push to get a YES?
What relationship with YES and NO do our kids have?
That is a whole different chapter.
However, one thing I am noticing is that TAKING and ALLOWING … without presence in knowing & honouring our healthy BOUNDARIES … is creating a lot of pain across all generations … and with our earth.
For this to shift, there must be a healing in our relationship with NO and ACCEPTANCE of this word.
Yes, as parents, it means listening to our kid’s NO too.
Listening to their “good reason” for it being a NO for them.
Then, we may just see a change in how GIVING & RECEIVING shows up with an open joy.
A world built on a foundation of honouring self, others, healthy boundaries, trust, intuition and natural flow.
