How do we see things?
Upon taking a Yr5-6 class for a period of time in a Gippsland school during 2019, I decided to call the aggressive behaviour projected onto others.
At the time, students were talking about others in a degrading way. There were also fights – both verbal and physical – in the yard. The talk behind their usual teacher’s back was intense.
Something was going on for these kids and it was time for it to be heard about what this was really about.
“Calling the behaviour” meant each student was given a Byron Katie worksheet to fill in about someone they felt annoyed or frustrated with.
Some students chose their usual teacher, whilst others chose siblings, another student or a parent.
The following were the underlying concepts these kids were believing:
BOYS
Treated unfairly. Targetted. Unheard.
Picked on. Lack of consistency in treatment.
Others annoying him that prevented connection
Told off unfairly. Targetted. No voice to be heard
Not being listened to
Lack of respect. People not listening to what is important to him
Frightened of dying
Not being valued or treated fairly
Frightened of anger. Not being listened to. Lack of attention, connection with people, and fun. He is not loved and so he hates himself
Unable to express his feelings outside of swearing. Feels unheard. His distracting behaviour is seen by himself as annoying. Aspects of him show he is trying to be an adult rather than a kid. He feels he is expected to grow up too fast.
GIRLS
Controlled. No voice to be heard. Situations being handled unfairly.
Not being heard. Lack of fun & joy. Feels excluded. People making her life difficult
Other people’s words are more important than hers. Targetted
Not being heard. Lack of fun. No space to speak.
Feeling less worthy than others (especially being a girl).Bottles her feelings inside herself – especially anger. Feels weak being a girl – hence she needs to be a strong feminist.
No support when it is needed. Punished unfairly. Unsure how to have a voice in the world.
Untrusting with people. Not being treated equally.
Cries inside when threats are used. Hides what is going on for her and yet she really wants people to hear and notice her. Does not feel safe in the world to be herself. Judgemental of others but most particularly, of herself.
* one girl took her sheet home with her. She did mention in the talking circle earlier, that she sees herself as ugly.
If this is under the surface, how can any of us be open to learning, being still, listening to others, and building connections?
Our need to be heard becomes too important … and hence loudness, aggression, silence and force arise.
The Work of Byron Katie empowers us to see how we react when we are believing whatever it is that we are believing (including how we treat ourselves and others because of this belief!).
We get to see where we do this belief to the other person… even when we are sure we don’t!! eg. He doesn’t listen to me … flipped is … I don’t listen to him (like, really listen to him!!)
And we discover that this belief hurts as much as it does because we have actually been doing this to ourselves!! Ouch!!
Here is the link to try The Work yourself ….
https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/
“Every time you do The Work you are becoming enlightened to who and what you are, the true nature of being. To question what you believe is an amazing gift to give yourself, and you can have it all the days of your life. The answers are always inside you, just waiting to be heard.” Byron Katie
