My vision ….

https://filmsforchange.stream/programs/rediscovery

This movie, named “Rediscovery”, brings a group of kids into nature for their classroom … to come closer to themselves and mother earth… to live and experience:

Problem solving.
Embracing all ideas, all experiences … knowing that in any given moment we are all being the best version of ourselves.

Togetherness with self.
Togetherness with community.
Trust building.

Awareness.
Stillness.
Play.

Igniting creativity.
Self responsibility.

Purpose.

This IS BACKinTRACKtion… and my vision of offering a place for each person to come closer to themselves through nature and others. The Art of authentic Connection.

Come join us …

http://https://backintracktion.com.au/

TRUE ‘YES’ or ‘NO’

How clear am I on my ‘yes’ and my ‘no’?

As a tiny little tacker I was clear on what this was, for me.

Then something conflicting happened.

If my ‘yes’ or ‘no’ did not match my parents (as just one example – schools and society are 2 others), I was judged as being “wrong” .. then punished or threatened.

Punished and threatened to bring conformity?

Quickly, I learnt to shut me down.

The punishment, or threat of punishment, became my fear of being true to myself.

The power of “fitting in” and needing my parent’s “love” overrode my inner guidance.

I began to trust and follow my parents more than myself. I was in survival mode.

 

As an adult today, I see one of my skills as being listening.

Over and over, I am hearing so many sharing how they are saying ‘yes’ when it is a ‘no’ for them. I hear these same people speak into such things as resentment, shame, guilt, disappointment, sadness, annoyance, blame – the list is long.

Leaving our own truth, to supposedly get freedom to do other things, how can this ever be sustainable? And how can any certainty be guaranteed around if you do this, you will get that?

I remember me as a parent saying to my kids when they were younger, “If you clean your room, then we will go to the beach”. How many times did I add more onto that request, beyond just cleaning the room?

 

THIS DAY IN OCTOBER …

Nestled into the sand dunes with pen and paper, as the waves roll in before my eyes and the birds sing and dance in the coastal shrub behind, it came to me that the healing lies in simply… being true to ourselves.

The time has come to listen and heal our “inner child” – whose truth has been suppressed.

Time to heal those moments we were punished for speaking our truth.

Asking self ….

Who didn’t listen and value you little “girl”? What shut you down little “girl”?

Who didn’t listen and value you little ‘boy’? What shut you down little “boy”?

 

Freedom has only come for me through speaking my own truth. Trusting myself to fully show up. It is scary.

How anyone else receives me, well, that is there business. And if I am triggered by their reaction, it is my work.

I am saddened to hear how many teenagers, and younger, are labelled rebellious or disrespectful or the like, when they speak into their truth.

Maybe it comes out harshly or loudly. Is this because they are speaking against a force?

Then there is the flip side – those who quietly go about doing what everyone else around them wants (people pleasing)… despite them churning internally because they cannot speak their truth.

 

I have decided to challenge myself:

When it is a ‘no’ for me, can I stand by that?

When it is a ‘yes’ for me, can I stand true to that?

Are you in on this too?

It may mean something familiar is given up today, but what comes tomorrow is beyond your wildest imagination. And the smile that fills every part of you because you stayed true to yourself, is magical.

 

What if …

Healing self, heals planet and humanity. Nothing on the outside of self can heal, until we do our own work.

https://backintracktion.com.au/

Letting go of the “rescuing” role

Dawn breaks and one just never knows what “gifts” await us.

I was standing atop a sand dune expressing my gratitude as the sun rose. A lady’s voice… “What do you think we should do?” she asks.

Oh, she was talking to me!
A seal was washed up on the beach with an outgoing tide. I noticed myself go into “rescue” mode. Let’s do this. Let’s do that.

Oddly, there was an uncomfortableness with trying to find all the options in order to “save” this most adorable creature.
There was also an uncomfortableness, in me, about the responses from rescue centres the lady tried calling, who advised to just let nature take it’s course.

Over breakfast, something stirred inside me.

A burning desire to simply lie beside this, now named: Arctic Fur seal (who was, apparently, 2000kms out of it’s territory).

So, I rugged up and nestled in beside this peaceful being.

The morning lady was gone.

Passers by seemed to not notice anything beyond their own focus.

So it was just the Arctic Fur seal and myself… like we were the only beings on the entire planet!!

We looked into each other’s eyes many times. I talked. I lay. It breathed slowly and moved infrequently.
It’s whole being seemed totally accepting of whatever was. No fight.

As we lay close to each other, I came to see the beauty in accepting. I accepted it and it accepted me .. that much, that I lay close enough to caress it’s back. There was talk, silence, listening and breathing together.

Every time this seal opened it’s eyes, we somehow saw each other as our eyes danced together.
Had we met before?

As the cold winds began to reach my core, and after many hours of our time together, I felt it was ok now for me to leave.
I expressed my gratitude for the magic of the gift of this Arctic Fur seal and our togetherness.

This is at the heart of BACKinTRACKtion. Meet myself and other beings where we are all at. No push to change. No desire to rescue.

I pose the question: Where do we step in to save others, particularly our own kids, when actually it may be stopping them from experiencing what they need to grow within themselves? 

Curious to learn more?

Listening with curiosity, one key to all communication.

How easy it has been for me to judge other’s behaviour. Noticing that this often brought disconnection with the other, and an uncomfortable feeling running through me. Being on a journey of unpacking what judging others has given me, I explored what could happen if I trusted rather than controlled.

Last week in a PE class with Prep students, I had the honour of being part of “Listening with Curiosity”. No judgement, meant no right or wrong, just a level of understanding from all involved, and an outcome that we all enjoyed.

Teaching the junior students is often filled with many littlies calling my name for so many different reasons. This day, I noticed a feeling of frustration building, created by the many interruptions taking me away from being present while a student was learning to ride a bike.

Upon my name being called again … I turned and asked this little girl, “Is it important?”

She replied with a “Yes, this boy (who shall remain nameless) kissed me”.

I noticed the worry in her eyes.

Asking the rest of the class to help us out by packing up all the sports equipment, gave this boy and girl the space to face each other and a “Listen with Curiosity” moment was created. From that, connection and understanding.

Girl: “What is your good reason for kissing me?”

Boy: “I really like playing with you.”

Girl (whose eyes lit up): “Oh … well I really like playing with you too.”

Silence for a moment – taking in this awareness.

Boy: “How did you feel when I kissed you?”

Girl: “I felt scared. You have germs and you kissed me, and now I have germs and now I am not going to see my friends again, because I am going to die because I have covid.”

By this time, the girl is on the edge of tears.

The 3 of us sat in stillness taking in her fear.

After a moment my intuition guided me, acknowledging her fear, I asked: “Do you kiss your mum or dad?”

Girl: “Yes, of course I do. But they don’t have covid.”

I responded to this with: “How do you know?”

The girl’s eyes seemed to sit in contemplation. Something shifted in her awareness and perception of the situation we all found ourselves in.

Girl speaking to the boy: “Next time you want to kiss me, could you ask me first. Now let’s go help pack up.”

My heart sang pure joy …. because in that moment I was filled with immense gratitude for the art of “Listening with Curiosity.” A vital part of clear communication. A key to connection.

The ripple effect of this reaction to undesired behaviour

Has anyone tried to tell a peacock: “You can’t do that (whatever the that is)”

These 4 words have become an automatic response to behaviour we want to change.
I have become curious in noticing, particularly children, the reaction when this statement is directed their way from an adult.

The shoulders curve and fall forward. They somehow seem to become “small”. There can be a welling up in the eyes. Is it sadness or frustration, I wonder? Ah, yes there is rage being stored away, in some too.

The body language shows a kind of “call for help” to the other person who seems to have the support of the adult right now.
It’s like: “Go on tell them what you did. Help me. This is not all my fault. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I don’t deserve to be blamed or persecuted like this. Surely you will listen to me… cos you understand, don’t you?”

But no… this deemed “wrong” person walks away with all kinds of inferior beliefs about themselves, others, and the world around them… and another layer to that internal volcano that may never erupt but suppressed through various means once in adulthood. Drugs, alcohol, self harming, another long list!

Some of the inferior beliefs from that childhood moment can include…
“They are not fair. The world is not fair…”
“Nobody listens to me”
“Nobody really cares”
“There is something wrong with me”
“I don’t fit in here… or anywhere”
“I hate them”
The list is extensive.

The messages this situation is sending to the person judged as being “right” can be just as damaging!
(with such beliefs as: I am a victim. I need saving. If I am louder or more forceful, I will be heard more.)

What if?

What is the reaction when the question is asked: “What is your good reason for doing …?”
Tall posture. Chest protrudes. Eyes open. Yes, a readiness to share. Someone is listening without judging. Someone is willing to stand in this with me and really let me explore and face what is actually going on.

Underneath every action, there is ALWAYS a good reason. Yes, even murder! That was hard for me to comprehend up until a few years ago.

If we take time to listen, like really listen with an open heart and curiosity, the ripple effect can be life changing.

Some benefits include…
Self-confidence, connection with oneself, a language to communicate feelings rather than needing to use behaviour as a means to communicate there is a problem, etc

Behaviour changes organically through conscious listening.
Force is replaced with understanding and awareness and growth .. for all.

Behind the mask of behaviour

Have you ever experienced showing up at school as a youngster, or work as an adult, and feeling like you had to hide – or shut down – what is alive in you in the now?

Did you ever want someone to just notice something wasn’t right for you?

Have you ever yearned for someone to stop and be still enough, that they would sit and listen to you – and actually not “rescue” you or fix what they perceived the problem to be?

Well, here lies a story that touched me deeply…

Taking a Year 10 English class around halfway through the school day, a teenage girl sat up the front of the class on her own, with a forlorn face. Her peers were further back in the classroom. Upon the class requirements being presented, the students at the back proceeded to undertake the tasks.

Noticing this female student had not opened any of her books to make a start, this is what unfolded…
I simply said, “I noticed you have not opened your books yet.”

Her response of “I am not doing any work”, clearly indicated something was more alive in her than school.

Accepting where she was at, I sat the Bear Cards on her table and invited her to select any cards she was feeling right now .. then walked away.

Noticing she had finished with the Bear Cards, I returned to ask how she felt about me sitting beside her.
She then proceeded to share her “good reasons” for picking out the 3 cards she did. Each card represented something deeply significant for her.

Turned out, her favourite uncle had died the night before.

Her acknowledgement of what was alive for her, her willingness to share with me, led us into a discussion about why he was the favourite uncle, what death meant for her and what she was missing about her uncle.

For the rest of that English class, this student wrote a tribute to her favourite uncle and walked out of that English class with a smile.

We can all make a difference … through meeting people where they are at!

Dropping the agenda and becoming present!

Author: Margie Matheson

  https://backintracktion.com.au

How do we see things?

Upon taking a Yr5-6 class for a period of time in a Gippsland school during 2019, I decided to call the aggressive behaviour projected onto others.

At the time, students were talking about others in a degrading way. There were also fights – both verbal and physical – in the yard. The talk behind their usual teacher’s back was intense.

Something was going on for these kids and it was time for it to be heard about what this was really about.

“Calling the behaviour” meant each student was given a Byron Katie worksheet to fill in about someone they felt annoyed or frustrated with.

Some students chose their usual teacher, whilst others chose siblings, another student or a parent.

The following were the underlying concepts these kids were believing:

BOYS

Treated unfairly. Targetted. Unheard.

Picked on. Lack of consistency in treatment.

Others annoying him that prevented connection

Told off unfairly. Targetted. No voice to be heard

Not being listened to

Lack of respect. People not listening to what is important to him

Frightened of dying

Not being valued or treated fairly

Frightened of anger. Not being listened to. Lack of attention, connection with people, and fun. He is not loved and so he hates himself

Unable to express his feelings outside of swearing. Feels unheard. His distracting behaviour is seen by himself as annoying. Aspects of him show he is trying to be an adult rather than a kid. He feels he is expected to grow up too fast.

GIRLS

Controlled. No voice to be heard. Situations being handled unfairly.

Not being heard. Lack of fun & joy. Feels excluded. People making her life difficult

Other people’s words are more important than hers. Targetted

Not being heard. Lack of fun. No space to speak.

Feeling less worthy than others (especially being a girl).Bottles her feelings inside herself – especially anger. Feels weak being a girl – hence she needs to be a strong feminist.

No support when it is needed. Punished unfairly. Unsure how to have a voice in the world.

Untrusting with people. Not being treated equally.

Cries inside when threats are used. Hides what is going on for her and yet she really wants people to hear and notice her. Does not feel safe in the world to be herself. Judgemental of others but most particularly, of herself.

* one girl took her sheet home with her. She did mention in the talking circle earlier, that she sees herself as ugly.

If this is under the surface, how can any of us be open to learning, being still,  listening to others, and building connections?

Our need to be heard becomes too important … and hence loudness, aggression, silence and force arise.

The Work of Byron Katie empowers us to see how we react when we are believing whatever it is that we are believing (including how we treat ourselves and others because of this belief!).

We get to see where we do this belief to the other person… even when we are sure we don’t!! eg. He doesn’t listen to me … flipped is … I don’t listen to him (like, really listen to him!!)

And we discover that this belief hurts as much as it does because we have actually been doing this to ourselves!! Ouch!!

Here is the link to try The Work yourself ….

https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/

 

“Every time you do The Work you are becoming enlightened to who and what you are, the true nature of being. To question what you believe is an amazing gift to give yourself, and you can have it all the days of your life. The answers are always inside you, just waiting to be heard.” Byron Katie