Tag Archive for: awareness

Dawn breaks and one just never knows what “gifts” await us.

I was standing atop a sand dune expressing my gratitude, as the sun rose. A lady’s voice… “What do you think we should do?” she asks.

Oh, she was talking to me!
A seal was washed up on the beach with an outgoing tide. I noticed myself go into “rescue” mode. Let’s do this. Let’s do that.

Oddly, there was an uncomfortableness with trying to find all the options in order to “save” this most adorable creature.
There was also an uncomfortableness, in me, about the responses from rescue centres who advised to just let nature take it’s course.

Over breakfast, something stirred inside me.

A burning desire to simply lie beside this, now named: Arctic Fur seal (who was, apparently, 2000kms out of it’s territory).

So, I rugged up and nestled in beside this peaceful being.
We looked into each other’s eyes many times. I talked. I lay. It breathed slowly and moved infrequently.
It’s whole being seemed totally accepting of whatever was to come. No fight.

As we lay close to each other, I came to see the beauty in accepting.

I accepted it and it accepted me .. that much, that I lay close enough to caress it’s back.

There was talk, silence, listening.
Every time this seal opened it’s eyes, we somehow saw each other as our eyes danced together.
Had we met before?

As the cold winds began to reach my core, and after many hours of our time together, I felt it was ok now for me to leave.
I expressed my gratitude for the magic of the gift of this Arctic Fur seal and our togetherness.

This is at the heart of BACKinTRACKtion.

Meet myself and other beings where we are at. No push to change. No desire to rescue.

How clear am I on my ‘yes’ and my ‘no’?

As a tiny little tacker I was clear on what this was, for me.

Then something conflicting happened.

If my ‘yes’ or ‘no’ did not match my parents (as just one example – schools and society are 2 others), I was judged as being “wrong” .. then punished or threatened.

Punished and threatened to bring conformity?

Quickly, I learnt to shut me down.

The punishment, or threat of punishment, became my fear of being true to myself.

The power of “fitting in” and needing my parent’s “love” overrode my inner guidance.

I began to trust and follow my parents more than myself. I was in survival mode.

 

As an adult today, I see one of my skills as being listening.

Over and over, I am hearing so many sharing how they are saying ‘yes’ when it is a ‘no’ for them. I hear these same people speak into such things as resentment, shame, guilt, disappointment, sadness, annoyance, blame – the list is long.

Leaving our own truth, to supposedly get freedom to do other things, how can this ever be sustainable? And how can any certainty be guaranteed around if you do this, you will get that?

I remember me as a parent saying to my kids when they were younger, “If you clean your room, then we will go to the beach”. How many times did I add more onto that request, beyond just cleaning the room?

 

THIS DAY IN OCTOBER …

Nestled into the sand dunes with pen and paper, as the waves roll in before my eyes and the birds sing and dance in the coastal shrub behind, it came to me that the healing lies in simply… being true to ourselves.

The time has come to listen and heal our “inner child” – whose truth has been suppressed.

Time to heal those moments we were punished for speaking our truth.

Asking self ….

Who didn’t listen and value you little “girl”? What shut you down little “girl”?

Who didn’t listen and value you little ‘boy’? What shut you down little “boy”?

 

Freedom has only come for me through speaking my own truth. Trusting myself to fully show up. It is scary.

How anyone else receives me, well, that is there business. And if I am triggered by their reaction, it is my work.

I am saddened to hear how many teenagers, and younger, are labelled rebellious or disrespectful or the like, when they speak into their truth.

Maybe it comes out harshly or loudly. Is this because they are speaking against a force?

Then there is the flip side – those who quietly go about doing what everyone else around them wants (people pleasing)… despite them churning internally because they cannot speak their truth.

 

I have decided to challenge myself:

When it is a ‘no’ for me, can I stand by that?

When it is a ‘yes’ for me, can I stand true to that?

Are you in on this too?

It may mean something familiar is given up today, but what comes tomorrow is beyond your wildest imagination. And the smile that fills every part of you because you stayed true to yourself, is magical.

 

What if …

Healing self, heals planet and humanity. Nothing on the outside of self can heal, until we do our own work.

https://backintracktion.com.au/