Tag Archive for: deep listening

HURT

Every human experiences hurt.

Whether it be by falling over and grazing a knee, or the words others say to us, or the actions of others that leave us confused, lost or annoyed … we feel.

These feelings of hurt are uncomfortable.

Parents with their young children run to aid a crying child who has “hurt” themselves.

Teachers punishing another student when their actions have “hurt” another’s feelings, that may bring:

… an aching heart

… a pitted feeling in the stomach

… a throat choking up

… a flood of tears

… screaming or sobbing or rage

WHAT IF … we had someone sit beside us as we felt this “hurt” and that was it.

No need to change the pain.

Just sit in the releasing of this pain as it moves through the body.

In the animal kingdom, animals allow their bodies to shake the trauma through their bodies, then it’s done.

With all the rescuing and judging and blaming that goes on with humans, the hurt continues and spreads far and wide. It even has a chance of coming up years down the track through it being shut down back when it first happened.
If you are married, ever had a wife bring up a hurt from 20 years ago, in a current argument?

WHAT IF … we sat in our uncomfortable feelings, with no blame?

Last year, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting with a 6yo with a grazed knee, after they fell over.

As they cried, I just sat beside them.
There was bleeding, yet not excessive.

Every now again I would say what I saw:

“Look at those tears running down your cheek. Some are going into your ear”
“I see your breath has stopped”

Around me, I listened to other kids and adults rushing over to offer band aids, and even another adult who may actually do something!!

Panic.

Rescue… quick, stop the noise, the hurt, the sadness, the blood, the ….

WHAT IF … we just teach what it is like to feel the uncomfortable.
Teach that we have choice about what we focus on!

Could we then learn to not be so afraid as adults?

We can sit in the hurt and have an awareness of our breath, of the colour the hurt is and how far it extends through our body.

No pressure to be anywhere or anything but right now.

Back to that 6yo child, without any comforting touch, that young person sat in the whole experience on the ground with myself and friends just sitting in silence.

We all witnessed the hurt start, climax, mellow out and wow … turn into laughter!!

Every part of life can be magical … if we let it and are open to feeling!!

Imagine a world that is open to feeling?.

P.s if any words from others hurt us, it simply means we have taken them personally!!! Whose work is it to do … our own!!

 

TRUST

As kids, we are raised under the idea that lying is wrong.

Yet, every human being does it.

If it’s part of being human, then what’s it’s story?

What if we took a dive into what the “good reason” is behind lying?

What might we find?

As I stand today … with my passion for dropping the judgement on behaviour and the punishing or rewarding constructs that supposedly promote “good” behaviour – truth, in this case … I have come to see lying as a gift!
Yes, that’s right a GIFT!

What if … we feel unsafe to be seen, heard and valued for what is alive in us in any given moment, that we hide that part of us from the world, through telling a lie?

What if … we have been honest at some point and been punished for our honesty, that we turn to lying as an option for our own protection?

What if … we have tried to openly share with others and they have not listened, so we do not trust them to hear our vulnerable selves, so we tell them what we think they want to hear? We lie.

What if … we feel so embarrassed by parts of ourselves, that we feel like to be accepted we need to hide those parts from the world?

What if … we have watched others get punished for saying their truth, so keeping the peace on the outside becomes our go to, despite our inside being in conflict and turmoil!!

Today, I was asked “Why would you trust me?”.

So, what does trust look like?

This is what came in my response….

We hear ourselves … when we are in each other’s company – in person or written.

We hear each other. Completely. To the best of our ability and that may mean owning when we are not hearing!

Through this, safety is present.

I accept all of me .. even the expressive self .. in your company.

I feel safe to totally show up with you.

I see, hear and feel an acceptance of all that I am.

This is the foundation of trust.