Tag Archive for: understanding self

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Letting go of the “rescuing” role

Dawn breaks and one just never knows what “gifts” await us.

I was standing atop a sand dune expressing my gratitude, as the sun rose. A lady’s voice… “What do you think we should do?” she asks.

Oh, she was talking to me!
A seal was washed up on the beach with an outgoing tide. I noticed myself go into “rescue” mode. Let’s do this. Let’s do that.

Oddly, there was an uncomfortableness with trying to find all the options in order to “save” this most adorable creature.
There was also an uncomfortableness, in me, about the responses from rescue centres who advised to just let nature take it’s course.

Over breakfast, something stirred inside me.

A burning desire to simply lie beside this, now named: Arctic Fur seal (who was, apparently, 2000kms out of it’s territory).

So, I rugged up and nestled in beside this peaceful being.
We looked into each other’s eyes many times. I talked. I lay. It breathed slowly and moved infrequently.
It’s whole being seemed totally accepting of whatever was to come. No fight.

As we lay close to each other, I came to see the beauty in accepting.

I accepted it and it accepted me .. that much, that I lay close enough to caress it’s back.

There was talk, silence, listening.
Every time this seal opened it’s eyes, we somehow saw each other as our eyes danced together.
Had we met before?

As the cold winds began to reach my core, and after many hours of our time together, I felt it was ok now for me to leave.
I expressed my gratitude for the magic of the gift of this Arctic Fur seal and our togetherness.

This is at the heart of BACKinTRACKtion.

Meet myself and other beings where we are at. No push to change. No desire to rescue.

HURT

Every human experiences hurt.

Whether it be by falling over and grazing a knee, or the words others say to us, or the actions of others that leave us confused, lost or annoyed … we feel.

These feelings of hurt are uncomfortable.

Parents with their young children run to aid a crying child who has “hurt” themselves.

Teachers punishing another student when their actions have “hurt” another’s feelings, that may bring:

… an aching heart

… a pitted feeling in the stomach

… a throat choking up

… a flood of tears

… screaming or sobbing or rage

WHAT IF … we had someone sit beside us as we felt this “hurt” and that was it.

No need to change the pain.

Just sit in the releasing of this pain as it moves through the body.

In the animal kingdom, animals allow their bodies to shake the trauma through their bodies, then it’s done.

With all the rescuing and judging and blaming that goes on with humans, the hurt continues and spreads far and wide. It even has a chance of coming up years down the track through it being shut down back when it first happened.
If you are married, ever had a wife bring up a hurt from 20 years ago, in a current argument?

WHAT IF … we sat in our uncomfortable feelings, with no blame?

Last year, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting with a 6yo with a grazed knee, after they fell over.

As they cried, I just sat beside them.
There was bleeding, yet not excessive.

Every now again I would say what I saw:

“Look at those tears running down your cheek. Some are going into your ear”
“I see your breath has stopped”

Around me, I listened to other kids and adults rushing over to offer band aids, and even another adult who may actually do something!!

Panic.

Rescue… quick, stop the noise, the hurt, the sadness, the blood, the ….

WHAT IF … we just teach what it is like to feel the uncomfortable.
Teach that we have choice about what we focus on!

Could we then learn to not be so afraid as adults?

We can sit in the hurt and have an awareness of our breath, of the colour the hurt is and how far it extends through our body.

No pressure to be anywhere or anything but right now.

Back to that 6yo child, without any comforting touch, that young person sat in the whole experience on the ground with myself and friends just sitting in silence.

We all witnessed the hurt start, climax, mellow out and wow … turn into laughter!!

Every part of life can be magical … if we let it and are open to feeling!!

Imagine a world that is open to feeling?.

P.s if any words from others hurt us, it simply means we have taken them personally!!! Whose work is it to do … our own!!

 

TRUE ‘YES’ or ‘NO’

How clear am I on my ‘yes’ and my ‘no’?

As a tiny little tacker I was clear on what this was, for me.

Then something conflicting happened.

If my ‘yes’ or ‘no’ did not match my parents (as just one example – schools and society are 2 others), I was judged as being “wrong” .. then punished or threatened.

Punished and threatened to bring conformity?

Quickly, I learnt to shut me down.

The punishment, or threat of punishment, became my fear of being true to myself.

The power of “fitting in” and needing my parent’s “love” overrode my inner guidance.

I began to trust and follow my parents more than myself. I was in survival mode.

 

As an adult today, I see one of my skills as being listening.

Over and over, I am hearing so many sharing how they are saying ‘yes’ when it is a ‘no’ for them. I hear these same people speak into such things as resentment, shame, guilt, disappointment, sadness, annoyance, blame – the list is long.

Leaving our own truth, to supposedly get freedom to do other things, how can this ever be sustainable? And how can any certainty be guaranteed around if you do this, you will get that?

I remember me as a parent saying to my kids when they were younger, “If you clean your room, then we will go to the beach”. How many times did I add more onto that request, beyond just cleaning the room?

 

THIS DAY IN OCTOBER …

Nestled into the sand dunes with pen and paper, as the waves roll in before my eyes and the birds sing and dance in the coastal shrub behind, it came to me that the healing lies in simply… being true to ourselves.

The time has come to listen and heal our “inner child” – whose truth has been suppressed.

Time to heal those moments we were punished for speaking our truth.

Asking self ….

Who didn’t listen and value you little “girl”? What shut you down little “girl”?

Who didn’t listen and value you little ‘boy’? What shut you down little “boy”?

 

Freedom has only come for me through speaking my own truth. Trusting myself to fully show up. It is scary.

How anyone else receives me, well, that is there business. And if I am triggered by their reaction, it is my work.

I am saddened to hear how many teenagers, and younger, are labelled rebellious or disrespectful or the like, when they speak into their truth.

Maybe it comes out harshly or loudly. Is this because they are speaking against a force?

Then there is the flip side – those who quietly go about doing what everyone else around them wants (people pleasing)… despite them churning internally because they cannot speak their truth.

 

I have decided to challenge myself:

When it is a ‘no’ for me, can I stand by that?

When it is a ‘yes’ for me, can I stand true to that?

Are you in on this too?

It may mean something familiar is given up today, but what comes tomorrow is beyond your wildest imagination. And the smile that fills every part of you because you stayed true to yourself, is magical.

 

What if …

Healing self, heals planet and humanity. Nothing on the outside of self can heal, until we do our own work.

https://backintracktion.com.au/

The ripple effect of this reaction to undesired behaviour

Has anyone tried to tell a peacock: “You can’t do that (whatever the that is)”

These 4 words have become an automatic response to behaviour we want to change.
I have become curious in noticing, particularly children, the reaction when this statement is directed their way from an adult.

The shoulders curve and fall forward. They somehow seem to become “small”. There can be a welling up in the eyes. Is it sadness or frustration, I wonder? Ah, yes there is rage being stored away, in some too.

The body language shows a kind of “call for help” to the other person who seems to have the support of the adult right now.
It’s like: “Go on tell them what you did. Help me. This is not all my fault. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I don’t deserve to be blamed or persecuted like this. Surely you will listen to me… cos you understand, don’t you?”

But no… this deemed “wrong” person walks away with all kinds of inferior beliefs about themselves, others, and the world around them… and another layer to that internal volcano that may never erupt but suppressed through various means once in adulthood. Drugs, alcohol, self harming, another long list!

Some of the inferior beliefs from that childhood moment can include…
“They are not fair. The world is not fair…”
“Nobody listens to me”
“Nobody really cares”
“There is something wrong with me”
“I don’t fit in here… or anywhere”
“I hate them”
The list is extensive.

The messages this situation is sending to the person judged as being “right” can be just as damaging!
(with such beliefs as: I am a victim. I need saving. If I am louder or more forceful, I will be heard more.)

What if?

What is the reaction when the question is asked: “What is your good reason for doing …?”
Tall posture. Chest protrudes. Eyes open. Yes, a readiness to share. Someone is listening without judging. Someone is willing to stand in this with me and really let me explore and face what is actually going on.

Underneath every action, there is ALWAYS a good reason. Yes, even murder! That was hard for me to comprehend up until a few years ago.

If we take time to listen, like really listen with an open heart and curiosity, the ripple effect can be life changing.

Some benefits include…
Self-confidence, connection with oneself, a language to communicate feelings rather than needing to use behaviour as a means to communicate there is a problem, etc

Behaviour changes organically through conscious listening.
Force is replaced with understanding and awareness and growth .. for all.