The ripple effect of this reaction to undesired behaviour

Has anyone tried to tell a peacock: “You can’t do that (whatever the that is)”

These 4 words have become an automatic response to behaviour we want to change.
I have become curious in noticing, particularly children, the reaction when this statement is directed their way from an adult.

The shoulders curve and fall forward. They somehow seem to become “small”. There can be a welling up in the eyes. Is it sadness or frustration, I wonder? Ah, yes there is rage being stored away, in some too.

The body language shows a kind of “call for help” to the other person who seems to have the support of the adult right now.
It’s like: “Go on tell them what you did. Help me. This is not all my fault. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I don’t deserve to be blamed or persecuted like this. Surely you will listen to me… cos you understand, don’t you?”

But no… this deemed “wrong” person walks away with all kinds of inferior beliefs about themselves, others, and the world around them… and another layer to that internal volcano that may never erupt but suppressed through various means once in adulthood. Drugs, alcohol, self harming, another long list!

Some of the inferior beliefs from that childhood moment can include…
“They are not fair. The world is not fair…”
“Nobody listens to me”
“Nobody really cares”
“There is something wrong with me”
“I don’t fit in here… or anywhere”
“I hate them”
The list is extensive.

The messages this situation is sending to the person judged as being “right” can be just as damaging!
(with such beliefs as: I am a victim. I need saving. If I am louder or more forceful, I will be heard more.)

What if?

What is the reaction when the question is asked: “What is your good reason for doing …?”
Tall posture. Chest protrudes. Eyes open. Yes, a readiness to share. Someone is listening without judging. Someone is willing to stand in this with me and really let me explore and face what is actually going on.

Underneath every action, there is ALWAYS a good reason. Yes, even murder! That was hard for me to comprehend up until a few years ago.

If we take time to listen, like really listen with an open heart and curiosity, the ripple effect can be life changing.

Some benefits include…
Self-confidence, connection with oneself, a language to communicate feelings rather than needing to use behaviour as a means to communicate there is a problem, etc

Behaviour changes organically through conscious listening.
Force is replaced with understanding and awareness and growth .. for all.