Who can you speak your ‘no’ to?
My experience of SAYING “no” and RECEIVING “no” in some training with Ej Love a few years ago, had me break down in tears and remove myself from the activity….
I had had enough of the word “no”.
I was overwhelmed by its strangle hold on me!
So consumed by the hurt this word brought me, I came to unravel that it had actually stopped me from speaking into and owning my “no” to others, and hence, my “yes”!
Oh my goodness, where I have said “yes”, when my truth was actually “no”. But I couldn’t say that dreaded word!
I thought I might be seen as being disrespectful to others. I so did not want to hurt others by sharing what I wanted! Oh, that might be considered selfish … if I said what was my truth!
I came to see, that not owning my authentic “no” actually brought more hurt, more suffering, more pain, more confusion to not only myself but yes, the other person too!! … all whilst disempowering myself.
I did re-join the activity back then, only after some release work though.
It has been an ongoing journey in noticing where I can stand true to myself – especially in relationships with a parent or sibling or people in perceived “power” positions like a boss, teacher, or principal! Actually, I will add wife, husband, or partner here too!
As a child, I knew my authentic “yes” and “no”.
By those who thought they knew better, or thought they were training me to have a successful life, or teaching me to conform to keep order and control and be respectful … I learnt to leave myself to stay safe and loved!
Oh my gosh, little did I realise the damage this approach caused!!!!
I now see choice.
Choice to choose conformity to keep the peace with others, yet internal conflict with myself.
Or I can choose love for myself by standing by me, even if it means there is potential to lose a love or closeness with another.
If that love ends, I get to question was it really a love and closeness that valued my authentic self anyway?
Yet, no matter what, I have chosen to love myself. Honour myself.
Do I want to keep myself small, so others avoid their growth?
How someone else receives me, is there’s to own.
Heck, it can be scary and challenging, yet so totally freeing!!
