Tag Archive for: behaviour

Dawn breaks and one just never knows what “gifts” await us.

I was standing atop a sand dune expressing my gratitude, as the sun rose. A lady’s voice… “What do you think we should do?” she asks.

Oh, she was talking to me!
A seal was washed up on the beach with an outgoing tide. I noticed myself go into “rescue” mode. Let’s do this. Let’s do that.

Oddly, there was an uncomfortableness with trying to find all the options in order to “save” this most adorable creature.
There was also an uncomfortableness, in me, about the responses from rescue centres who advised to just let nature take it’s course.

Over breakfast, something stirred inside me.

A burning desire to simply lie beside this, now named: Arctic Fur seal (who was, apparently, 2000kms out of it’s territory).

So, I rugged up and nestled in beside this peaceful being.
We looked into each other’s eyes many times. I talked. I lay. It breathed slowly and moved infrequently.
It’s whole being seemed totally accepting of whatever was to come. No fight.

As we lay close to each other, I came to see the beauty in accepting.

I accepted it and it accepted me .. that much, that I lay close enough to caress it’s back.

There was talk, silence, listening.
Every time this seal opened it’s eyes, we somehow saw each other as our eyes danced together.
Had we met before?

As the cold winds began to reach my core, and after many hours of our time together, I felt it was ok now for me to leave.
I expressed my gratitude for the magic of the gift of this Arctic Fur seal and our togetherness.

This is at the heart of BACKinTRACKtion.

Meet myself and other beings where we are at. No push to change. No desire to rescue.

Recently, I sat in the hurt and sadness, and actually, despair, of a long time silence.

A wise and courageous man gave some possibilities of how silence may come about for a man.

In his willingness to answer my question …

“Any tips on what may be going on for a man when he does not respond?”

… and this is what he provided:

  • overwhelmed by the issue raised
  • fear or concern of how his response will be received
  • holding in anger
  • really not wanting to face the questions
  • wanting the person talking to just go away
  • embarrassed
  • simply lost for words
  • shame

I felt compelled to add:

  • control
  • guilt

The spiritual element of being human promotes SILENCE as a magical component of peace and coming closer to awareness.

I have certainly experienced this joy… and continue to do so in my morning practise.

So, how can it be that there is a flip side to this human experience that can cut so deeply?

Given there is hurt, I still have work to do on myself. That’s all there is!!

Oh, is the painful silence reflective of my own silence around what is important to me? And the manner I have been going about trying to “get” my former husband to talk, leads me to giving up full of sadness, frustration and despair!!

Writing this, I hear push.

Force.

What if: I was to share the FEELINGS running through me and what NEEDS would be met through him providing communication?

And for me to remember, behind EVERYTHING people do or say, there is a GOOD REASON.

An opportunity for me to practise a new language that brings connection.

https://backintracktion.com.au/

 

As kids, we are raised under the idea that lying is wrong.

Yet, every human being does it.

If it’s part of being human, then what’s it’s story?

What if we took a dive into what the “good reason” is behind lying?

What might we find?

As I stand today … with my passion for dropping the judgement on behaviour and the punishing or rewarding constructs that supposedly promote “good” behaviour – truth, in this case … I have come to see lying as a gift!
Yes, that’s right a GIFT!

What if … we feel unsafe to be seen, heard and valued for what is alive in us in any given moment, that we hide that part of us from the world, through telling a lie?

What if … we have been honest at some point and been punished for our honesty, that we turn to lying as an option for our own protection?

What if … we have tried to openly share with others and they have not listened, so we do not trust them to hear our vulnerable selves, so we tell them what we think they want to hear? We lie.

What if … we feel so embarrassed by parts of ourselves, that we feel like to be accepted we need to hide those parts from the world?

What if … we have watched others get punished for saying their truth, so keeping the peace on the outside becomes our go to, despite our inside being in conflict and turmoil!!

Today, I was asked “Why would you trust me?”.

So, what does trust look like?

This is what came in my response….

We hear ourselves … when we are in each other’s company – in person or written.

We hear each other. Completely. To the best of our ability and that may mean owning when we are not hearing!

Through this, safety is present.

I accept all of me .. even the expressive self .. in your company.

I feel safe to totally show up with you.

I see, hear and feel an acceptance of all that I am.

This is the foundation of trust.

https://filmsforchange.stream/programs/rediscovery

This movie, named “Rediscovery”, brings a group of kids into nature for their classroom … to come closer to themselves and mother earth… to live and experience:

Problem solving.
Embracing all ideas, all experiences … knowing that in any given moment we are all being the best version of ourselves.

Togetherness with self.
Togetherness with community.
Trust building.

Awareness.
Stillness.
Play.

Igniting creativity.
Self responsibility.

Purpose.

This IS BACKinTRACKtion… and my vision of offering a place for each person to come closer to themselves through nature and others. The Art of authentic Connection.

Come join us …

http://https://backintracktion.com.au/

Has anyone tried to tell a peacock: “You can’t do that (whatever the that is)”

These 4 words have become an automatic response to behaviour we want to change.
I have become curious in noticing, particularly children, the reaction when this statement is directed their way from an adult.

The shoulders curve and fall forward. They somehow seem to become “small”. There can be a welling up in the eyes. Is it sadness or frustration, I wonder? Ah, yes there is rage being stored away, in some too.

The body language shows a kind of “call for help” to the other person who seems to have the support of the adult right now.
It’s like: “Go on tell them what you did. Help me. This is not all my fault. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I don’t deserve to be blamed or persecuted like this. Surely you will listen to me… cos you understand, don’t you?”

But no… this deemed “wrong” person walks away with all kinds of inferior beliefs about themselves, others, and the world around them… and another layer to that internal volcano that may never erupt but suppressed through various means once in adulthood. Drugs, alcohol, self harming, another long list!

Some of the inferior beliefs from that childhood moment can include…
“They are not fair. The world is not fair…”
“Nobody listens to me”
“Nobody really cares”
“There is something wrong with me”
“I don’t fit in here… or anywhere”
“I hate them”
The list is extensive.

The messages this situation is sending to the person judged as being “right” can be just as damaging!
(with such beliefs as: I am a victim. I need saving. If I am louder or more forceful, I will be heard more.)

What if?

What is the reaction when the question is asked: “What is your good reason for doing …?”
Tall posture. Chest protrudes. Eyes open. Yes, a readiness to share. Someone is listening without judging. Someone is willing to stand in this with me and really let me explore and face what is actually going on.

Underneath every action, there is ALWAYS a good reason. Yes, even murder! That was hard for me to comprehend up until a few years ago.

If we take time to listen, like really listen with an open heart and curiosity, the ripple effect can be life changing.

Some benefits include…
Self-confidence, connection with oneself, a language to communicate feelings rather than needing to use behaviour as a means to communicate there is a problem, etc

Behaviour changes organically through conscious listening.
Force is replaced with understanding and awareness and growth .. for all.

Have you ever experienced showing up at school as a youngster, or work as an adult, and feeling like you had to hide – or shut down – what is alive in you in the now?

Did you ever want someone to just notice something wasn’t right for you?

Have you ever yearned for someone to stop and be still enough, that they would sit and listen to you – and actually not “rescue” you or fix what they perceived the problem to be?

Well, here lies a story that touched me deeply…

Taking a Year 10 English class around halfway through the school day, a teenage girl sat up the front of the class on her own, with a forlorn face. Her peers were further back in the classroom. Upon the class requirements being presented, the students at the back proceeded to undertake the tasks.

Noticing this female student had not opened any of her books to make a start, this is what unfolded…
I simply said, “I noticed you have not opened your books yet.”

Her response of “I am not doing any work”, clearly indicated something was more alive in her than school.

Accepting where she was at, I sat the Bear Cards on her table and invited her to select any cards she was feeling right now .. then walked away.

Noticing she had finished with the Bear Cards, I returned to ask how she felt about me sitting beside her.
She then proceeded to share her “good reasons” for picking out the 3 cards she did. Each card represented something deeply significant for her.

Turned out, her favourite uncle had died the night before.

Her acknowledgement of what was alive for her, her willingness to share with me, led us into a discussion about why he was the favourite uncle, what death meant for her and what she was missing about her uncle.

For the rest of that English class, this student wrote a tribute to her favourite uncle and walked out of that English class with a smile.

We can all make a difference … through meeting people where they are at!

Dropping the agenda and becoming present!

Author: Margie Matheson

  https://backintracktion.com.au